10 Reasons You Are Still Fat (unedited/explicit))
You look into the mirror and notice something very wrong with your reflection.
You are fat. And I am not talking about a couple extra pounds.
You see a stomach that protrudes (and your not pregnant).
Arms that jiggle (and are quite possibly filled with Jell-o).
Thighs that look like they can create thunder (which explains the sparks when you were corduroys).
And pants the size of a dump truck (to hold all the junk in your trunk).
You wonder how you got in this state. You do everything right.
Keep telling your lazy ass that fantasy as you alternate stuffing your face with not eating for days on end.
I looked around the gym and society to come up with a few reasons that are causing you to look like a blimp at the Macy’s day parade. So look below. Figure out which reasons (it will be more than one) are causing you to become an honorary member of the FGAA. Tell yourself that being fat is your fault and get to work.
1. You don’t know how to really workout – The only way to have the people on the beach stop trying to push you back into the water is to increase your metabolism (calories your body burn to keep you alive). You must burn off the fat (and no a blow torch won’t help so stop asking). There are only two types of exercise that will raise your metabolism. They are in order of importance: resistance training and interval training. Resistance training will help you build muscle tone (stop asking Jonny V.) to help you burn more fat at rest. And interval training will help you use that newly earned muscle tone to keep your metabolism revved even more. More muscle tone = less fat. For you ladies that won’t lift weights for fear of getting bulky; quit your bitching and love the jiggle because you are not going to get rid of it.
Gives new meaning to the phrase belly dancer.
2. You only do cardio – Any long, slow, boring, steady state activity (i.e. walking, jogging, cycling) is not intense enough to raise the metabolism permanently. Shortly after you stop the activity so do the fat burning benefits.
Back when it started to become popular to workout for health and fat loss people were only concerned with what happened while they were exercising. But we have come along way since the stone ages of exercise. Science now tells us that we need to be much more concerned with what happens after we exercise (can you say EPOC) if we are interested in getting rid of unsightly body fat. Strength training and interval training are the only ways to speed up your metabolism for fat loss.
The aforementioned dump truck pants.
3. You don’t put in the work- Your living in a dream world if you think that you can get the body you want just be eating right. Your lazy ass must put in the work. Dieting alone may help you lose weight for the short term, but eventually you will gain it back (and then some) once your metabolism slows down due to lose of muscle tone along with the fat. Resistance training and interval training help to keep and build more muscle tone and raise your metabolism. Raising your metabolism is the only effective way to maintain long term fat loss.
What is sticking out from the bottom of the dress says it all.
4. You think that starving yourself is fun – And your are not even an anorexic super model. Under-eating is one of the biggest mistakes people make in the battle to lose fat. Many people believe if you decrease your calories you will lose fat. You wish it was that easy. Your body requires a minimum amount of calories to function properly and if you go below this level your body will go into starvation mode. This evolutionary response lowers your metabolic rate in an effort to avoid starving to death. This causes your fat loss to stop and your energy levels plummet. Good luck trying to avoid pigging out on junk food then (and when this does happen it will all be stored as fat).
Women should eat a minimum of 1800 calories (of good food) a day and men should eat a minimum of 2400. To help boost your metabolism more, these calories should be split up into 4-6 small meals/snacks eaten every 2-3 hours.
There are many reasons why this photo is just not funny.
5. You are trying to out train a bad diet - Eat shit and you will look like shit. It you are not eating properly there is no way in hell you will have enough energy to do justice to your exercise and fat loss program. You will just be going through the motions. You need to support your fat loss goals with your proper nutrition for best results. Each of your small meals/snacks should contain some protein and the balance made up healthy carbs and fats. Yes you need to eat fat to lose fat.
The damn thing is bigger than his head. And his head is not small.
6. Your exercise program sucks - Occasionally going to the gym and doing a couple of exercises isn’t going to get you the fat loss results that you want. Have a qualified personal trainer and/or strength coach design a program specifically for you. And I stress specifically for you. A cookie cutter program from a book or magazine, although cheap or free, most likely won’t help your efforts much. Then once the program is designed, have the personal trainer/strength coach not only teach you the proper form for each exercise but also have them send you through a practice workout so you know how much effort you need to put in for real results. Finally, meet with them on regular basis so they can monitor your progress and to keep you motivated and on track.
“Just worked out. Time for a shower.”
7. You have been doing the same exercise routine since the dawn of man- If you want to keep progressing toward your fat loss goals you must change up your program. I am not talking about doing something completely different every time workout. You can’t gauge progress that way. But you should not be doing the same group of exercises for more than four to six weeks. After that time your body will be too accustomed to the exercises/ exercise combinations for them to be very effective. This means you need to continually change your exercise program if you wish to stimulate your body to make the changes you desire (see 6).
They have been workout partners for years.
8. You put everything and everyone ahead of you and your health- It may seem selfish to not put your loved ones ahead of yourself and noble to sacrifice your health to better their lives. But if your health fails, who will take care of them then. It is selfish of you to not want to take care of yourself to make sure you can keep taking care of them. If you become a burden to them, do you want them to sacrifice their health to take care of you. Probably not, because that would be selfish. Also, don’t you want to see your children’s children grow up.
My favorite is the person that drives the luxury sports cars, goes on the lavish vacations, has top of the line everything but refuses to pay the money for organic food or personal training because it is too expensive. Your priorities are in the wrong place. See the article/rant that Mr. Train To Sweatt himself wrote called The Cost of Health.
“I learned it by watching you.”
9. You think that your health is someone else’s responsibility- It is not your doctor’s, the insurance company’s and it is especially not the government’s job to keep you healthy. It is your’s and no one else’s. And I for one do not want to have to pay for your medical bills because you refuse to take care of yourself.
“Does this make my ass look fat.”
10. Your just plain lazy and don’t give a shit- It is my opinion that most people fall into this category. If anything requires effort and does not give you instant results/gratification it is not for you. I know that this is an evolutionary thing like the aforementioned starvation mode (see 4) but be thankful that you were born into this day and age. If you were born even 200 years earlier you would have been kicked out of the tribe to quickly become wild (non-lazy and in shape) animal (other tribe) food.
May I introduce to you McLuvhandles.
So, if you are not just a fat, lazy piece of shit that enjoys stuffing their face all day and then claims to have a thyroid problem and are serious about improving your body and health, take a look at this list I probably wasted my time to write and see what you need to change to actually make progress. Losing fat and toning your muscles will require work and the more things you do right, the quicker you will actually want to look at your reflection.
And remember, being fat is your fault.
The Captain
P.S. That is me on the left. You can probably guess who the smiling goofball is on the right. Be the way, he wasn’t smiling for long after the photo. If you want a good laugh ask him about it some time.
Posted by Paul | in Fitness, Mind & Motivation, Nutrition, Weight Loss Strategies | No Comments
