by McLuvhandles

Hey it’s your old, fat buddy McLuvhandles here again.

Did you miss me?

Are you happy to hear from me again?  I know of at least one person that won’t be.

The buff guy that you were probably expecting to hear from is too busy doing two-a-days.  What exactly are two-a-days you might ask.  Two-a-days are, for those narcissistic fitness buffs crazy to do them, are when you workout twice a day.  Once in the morning and once later in the day, usually afternoon or evening.  Not only do they take up a lot of time but they leave you pretty tired.  Since you-know-who is perpetually exhausted he is unable to come up with any cleaver and witty blog posts.  Because this is the case and with me being such a helpful guy, I decided that I would hijack his website yet again and write this weeks post.

I know that some of you (soon to be) FGAA members are having a extremely hard time putting on the weight that you want to.  I hear you complaining that you can’t seem to get any bigger than a size four?  And that no matter how much you eat, you just can’t seem to put on any weight?

I feel your pain.  I too was once a lean lad but that all changed for me once I discovered the certain tricks that help you put away more food (then you need) without even realizing it.

What are these tricks that will help that fat person hiding inside your body bust out?  Tell me, you say, or you might lose more weight just stressing over it.

Well stress no longer.  Here are 4 ways to trick yourself into eat more than you need without even trying.

1.)  The BIG Lardbuttski.  The first thing that you want to do is get rid of all your small bowls, plates and eating utensils.  Donate them to a shelter so those poor unfortunate souls believe that they are actually eating more.  It has been shown in study after study that that bigger the bowls, plates and utensils are that you use the more you will eat.  Up to 2 times more.

Where sitting on your butt and eating is a contact sport.

2.)  Fast & Furious. Now that you have those bigger plates make sure you clean them off (of food) as quickly as possible.  It has been shown that the faster you eat the more you can eat before your stomach can signal your brain that it is full.  Have trouble eating fast?  Time yourself when you eat.  Then the next time you eat try to beat your previous time.

Try to eat everything before the light turns green.  Not even I recommend eating while driving.  You might drop your sandwich.

3.)  In Plain Sight.  If you really want to put on the pounds make sure that you always have junk food near by.  Fill your cupboards and fidge with sodas and junk food.  Put a bowl of candy on your desk and make sure that it is always full.  Have a couple of “emergency” candy bars in your pocketbook.  Heck you can even stock your glove compartment with those golden cream filled sponge cakes.  I hear they last forever. Having trouble testing that theory though.

I recommend having one of these “cakes” everyday.  Minus the wedding.

4.)  Weapons of Mass Distraction. You will eat significantly more the more you are distracted.  So watch your favorite show.  Put on your favorite music station.  Read your kindle.  Play your Xbox.  Text.  Do whatever it takes to distract you from the food that you are eating?  Bonus:  Send me a pic or video of you doing all of the above while eating and I will make you President of your local chapter of the FGAA.

If only he had a couple of more distraction I am sure he could eat more than that.

So if you are tired or being lean and slender just follow the 4 aforementioned rules and you will be wearing those bigger pants in no time.

editors note: This guy must have people following me.  I don’t know how he always knows the best time to hijack my site.  Well for those of you that want to stay or become toned and slender just do the EXACT opposite of McLuvhandles rules and you should be on you way smaller pants in no time.

Your friend and trainer,

Paul F. Sweatt

Tags: distraction while eating, eating speed, fat, FGAA, junk food, lean, Macluvhandles, plate size, slender, toned

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 19th, 2010 at 10:54 pm and is filed under Weight Loss Strategies. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Posted by Paul | in Weight Loss Strategies | 3 Comments